It Helps If You Know My Name When You Read This Post

On occasion, it may occur to my one surviving parent to think to himself, "Damn, that daughter of mine is a loser. She is a loser, and a lush, and so very lazy. She's limited, that's for sure, and also literal-minded, lackluster, and a lard-ass." But now we know -- my parent can blame himself for giving me the wrong name. Thanks for nothing, Dad! Of course, my dad's name is Dennis, and he is no dentist. Or anything else that starts with D.