It's Not Bacon, But It's Damn Good Anyway

Here's what I made for brunch on Sunday, and I advise you to do the same for a holiday treat. 'Cause it was fucking awesome. And so, I unveil (and please don't tell me if it's in some cookbook your mom has, because I'm very pleased with myself for this idea and don't need to know that your great-grandma made it in the old country): Frenchnog Toast! Or, alternatively: French Nogtoast! In my mind, those are very different options. At any rate, you make it like this:

Ingredients:
Bread, sliced
Eggs
Egg Nog
Nutmeg
Butter
Confectioner's Sugar
Maple Syrup

Take 3 slices of the bread. Poke them repeatedly with a fork to make little holes to suck up the delicious egg nectar. Crack many eggs (like 4 or so) into a bowl. Add several liberal tablespoons of Egg Nog. Add a little more to grow on. Pour some more Nog into a glass and swill that down to make sure it hasn't spoiled since you bought it yesterday. (Note: I didn't add booze to the Nog, because it was really early in the morning, but you could, if you're that type.) Whisk the eggs and Nog together until light and foamy. Add 1/4 tsp grated nutmeg and whisk some more, because whisking is very satisfying. Pour the nectar into a shallow pan or container of some sort, preferably a clean one.

Turn on a burner on the stove to medium low heat. Put 2 TBSPs butter in a skillet and put that on the burner. Allow butter to melt. While it's melting, put a slice of bread in the egg nectar. Let the bread soak a moment, then flip it and soak a bit more. Poke the bread gently with a fork or the back of a spoon to encourage it to drink the delicious egg nectar. Plop the bread gently into the skillet, pouring an extra couple of TBSPs of the egg over the top, without letting it overflow.

Now, in all seriousness: don't cook the bread on too high a heat. Because of all the sugar in the Nog, I suspect, the bread will turn too dark very easily. I know you don't believe me, and will try to hurry the cooking by using higher heat, and that's why I told you to use 3 slices of bread, so that you could screw up the first piece finding out that I'm right.

Once the bread is golden brown on one side, gently flip. Cook to same color on Side B. Remove from pan to warmed plate. Spread a little butter very gently over the top. Sprinkle with confectioner's sugar like a little loving snowfall. Pour maple syrup over the top in a ribboning motion for full coverage.

Eat and, if desired, lick plate.

Then add bourbon to the remaining egg nog, say fuck it, drink the whole thing, and go back to bed.